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Hov Not to (Drife 
a Pirn 



HOW NOT TO WRITE 
A PLAY 



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By T. S. DENISON 



Author of the novels, '* An Iron Crown" "The Man Behind * 
and twenty-seven plays for amateurs. 




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CHICAGO: 

T. S. DENISON, Publisher 

163 Randolph St. 



Copyright, 1894, by T. S. Denison, 



OBJECT OF THESE PAGES. 

There have been books written on the subject of 
play-writing, but I think such attempts must necessarily 
in a great measure fail of their object, because no one 
can impart successfully to others the peculiar methods 
and qualities which may have resulted in success in his 
own case. I think it best to give this little pamphlet 
the title," How Not to Write a Play," because many 
of the things not to be done are so apparent. It is not 
expected that the few negative directions given in these 
pages will enable any novice to write a good play. 
But if carefully observed they will result in the pro- 
duction of a play that will at least have a decent ap- 
pearance and thus secure a reading by publishers and 
managers. While these few pages are aimed at ama- 
teurs, I take it that the dramatist necessarily begins 
experimentally and usually requires some practice be- 
fore scoring a success. Possibly these few hints may 
direct aright latent capacity that may eventually pro- 
duce something destined to appear upon the stage. 

The necessity of some brief directions such as these 
has been made apparent to me in the course of my ow T n 
experience as author and publisher. For seventeen 
years I have been reading plays, three-fourths of which 
were the veriest trash. The rage for scribbling plays 
attacks the young person very violently and subsides 
(I believe) at a comparatively tender age, thank 
heaven! The desire to produce a novel usually comes 
later, and in many instances the unhappy victim is 
afflicted for life. If any effort of mine can aid in the 
slightest in averting this vain sacrifice of good ink, I 
shall feel amply repaid. 

3 



HOW NOT TO WRITE A PLAY. 

GENERAL VIEW. 

i. An essay divided by headings into acts and scenes 
is not a play. A school dialogue is not a play. 

2. Do not think that anybody can write a book, or, 
what is still more difficult, a play. 

3. If you are under twenty-one, of the male sex, and 
have ever belonged to any sort of dramatic club, you 
probably think you can write a better play than any 
you have seen. Publishers may think differently. 

4. Do not think because you have led a " barnstorm- 
ing" company " on the road" and have " counted ties," 
that you know all about play writing. You probably 
do know a great deal more than the last mentioned 
young man. 

5. Do not think the public is anxiously expecting a 
new play from you; there are some 5,000 plays more or 
less in English alone. Still, there is always room for 
good new plays. They are very scarce. 

6. Do not take a popular " fad" for a subject, as a 
rule. It may go out of date before you can get your 
MS. accepted. Such things if short do well for imme- 
diate use. 

SNAP SHOTS. 

1. Do not flatter yourself that because you "just 
dashed off" a thing, that it must be good. The things 
that are " just dashed off" are usually dashed into the 
waste basket. 

2. Do not think that grammar, spelling and proba- 
bility are of no consequence in a play; they are. 

3. Do not think the public prefers slang, profanity 
and bombast, to good English and refined sentiments. 

4. Do not think the publisher (or manager) will "fix 
up" your play. He has not the time, and would not do 
it if he had. 

4 



HOW NOT TO WRITE A PLAY. 5 

5. Do not persuade yourself that you can steal a plot 
from some book or " lift" somebody else's play and no 
one will ever detect the fraud. You are underrating the 
sagacity of other people. 

6. Do not introduce a clown under the guise of a 
comedy character, to drag in forced witticisms on every 
possible occasion. Let your comedian know his place. 

7. Do not think that your " villain" must be a black- 
guard and a fool as well. A bad man does not neces- 
sarily spout, use bad grammar and threaten at a 
moment's notice without provocation. Nor will a 
swarthy complexion and a made-up voice alone consti- 
tute a villain. 

8. Do not try a five-act play first. Attempt a little 
farce or short comedy. Real humor always takes. 

9. Do not forget for a moment that you must know 
something yourself. Eggs are necessary to an omelet. 
If you confine yourself to what you know (illumined by 
a touch of imagination) your characters and scenes may 
prove natural and successful. 

10. Let the aristocracy of Europe alone. America 
is large enough to begin on. You can branch out later. 

11. Do not delude yourself with the idea that a 
forged will is a novelty. 

12. Do not put caves, castles and mountains on the 
stage promiscuously. These things are only for the 
professional stage, and then sparingly. I once had a 
play submitted which contained eighteen scenes, and it 
was intended for amateurs, too. Remember that when 
a scene is set, say for the first and third acts, the sec- 
ond time is a resetting and will require some time. 
Amateurs usually cannot make these difficult sets even 
if you put them in well. 

13. Do not, I beg you, put long speeches and ex- 
planations into the play. The plot must explain itself 
as it goes. 

14. Do not introduce politics or religion. And do 
not excuse or gloss immorality. 



6 HOW NOT TO WRITE A PLAY. 

15. Do not moralize. 

16. Do not stray from your subject. Let your play 
have a well defined thread, and let every incident aid 
the central idea. 

17. Do not try to get a whole village full of people 
into your play. More than twelve characters (about 
two-thirds male) will endanger your chance of success. 
" Variety business" is not drama. 

18. Do not think that any one class of people (old 
maids, for example) were created specially for the 
amusement of the rest of mankind. Sympathy is the 
keynote to success. 

19. Do not put ridiculous nonsense and impossible 
brogue into the mouths of foreigners. If you want to 
put an Italian or a Dutchman into a play, study care- 
fully the conversation of Italian and Dutch people, 
then imitate it as closely as possible. 

20. Do not forget that your characters are human 
and should act very much as you and I would under the 
circumstances. They should be consistent, but this does 
not mean that it is impossible, for instance, for a 
serious man to laugh. In fact, you may show your 
skill in making him laugh if you do it in the right way 
at the right time. 

25. Do not employ dungeons, trap-doors and poisoned 
daggers. These things are ancient. 

26. Beware of the lachrymose female who diligently 
sheds tears, wailing meanwhile, " Oh, God, my child ! my 
child!" and that equally difficult one who with fine 
indignation, in falsetto tones cries, " Unhand me, sir!" 

27. Do not get your hero into a furious row, nor 
your heroine into great peril without adequate and ap- 
parent reasons. Remember a thing which would appear 
absurd and improbable in real life will appear so on the 
stage. The slightest absurdity in a serious scene turns 
it into burlesque. Farce is to some extent an exception 
to all rules, but even farce must be possible, and the more 
probable the better. 



HOW NOT TO WRITE A PLAY. 7 

28. Do not employ "gags" and stock phrases too 
often. Good plays are often spoiled by injudicious 
tinkering. Slang is not wit. 

29. Do not think yourself above intelligent criticism, 
but do not seek incompetent criticism. 

30. Do not imitate some other play. You are merely 
trying to warm over a dish which all have partaken of 
fresh. 

31. Do not work your best things into the first part. 
Keep them later till the audience is ready (and possibly 
tired). In a book the reverse is true; there some of 
the best features must come first to arouse interest. , 

32. Do not mistake length for strength. Three thou- 
sand to five thousand words (not including stage direc- 
tions) make a good farce; ten thousand to fifteen thou- 
sand, a comedy. You must consider the time required 
between acts. A full resetting requires from five to 
fifteen minutes by professionals. Amateurs need a 
little more time. 

PREPARING MANUSCRIPT. 

i. Underscore the name of each character at the be- 
ginning of a speech. 

2. Write on only one side of the paper and do not 
crowd the matter. *Tt pays to write on good paper. 

3. Put stage directions in parentheses. 

4. For a parlor play do not employ the R. U. E. , 
L. U. E., etc., of the professional stage. In a parlor 
play a door at right and one at left to give entrances 
and exits is ample. Then merely say, " exit James, 
left," " right," etc. Arrange furniture as you found it 
best in rehearsal and explain this in "scene plot" at 
first of play. Chimneys, balconies, etc., can only be 
arranged properly where there is a stage. A screen 
properly placed serves to conceal a character. Simple 
devices are always best. 

5. Give synopsis at first to aid the publisher's 
"reader," as well as to help the stage manager. 



3 HOW NOT TO WRITE A PLAY. 

6. Revise! revise! revise! Not once, but a dozen 
times if necessary. When done revising, copy carefully 
with pen, or better, on typewriter. 

7. Punctuate, and use capitals properly. Neglect of 
this feature indicates one of two things: either you 
lack the necessary training to do your work properly, 
or you are not sufficiently interested in your work to do 
it well. Either hypothesis condemns you. This cau- 
tion applies to all written work. 

8. Write your full name and address on a sheet at- 
tached to the manuscript. Do not trust to a letter 
which may get separated from the copy, I have before 
me at this writing an appalling MS., the size of an 
atlas, the sole address of which is " J. Henderson, care 
U. S. M. P. Co., Boston." 

9. Inclose stamps for return, and do not complain if 
you get no reply for a month (sometimes longer). 

10. Do not roll a MS. ; send it flat. 

11. Send stamps for return post. 

12. If your MS. has been rejected do not write ask- 
ing why. Keep it six months, then read carefully and 
probably you can discover the why without assistance. 

Note. — It was not possible in the brief space of these few 
pages to attempt any considerable analysis of the mechanism of a 
drama. The Greeks invariably divided a play into five acts. 
Fewer acts often suffice in modern plays. Three well marked 
divisions may be recognized even by amateurs. They are briefly : 
(1) Suggestion of the plot. (2) Unfolding of the plot, (3) The 
denouement. If more than three acts are employed the additional 
acts relate to number 2, the unfolding of the plot. Each act 
should end with a climax. An excellent article on play writing 
was published in Lippincott' s Magazine, September, 1889. 



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